Overcoming Negative Self-Talk in Motherhood

In order to break the cycle of negative self-talk in motherhood, we must take our thoughts captive and make our thinking subject to God’s word. 

BONUS: The first Mindset Tools On the Go Episode is included in this pilot episode! Reframing Negative Thoughts in Motherhood covers the specific CBT method of Thought Reframing using scripture. Get a sneak preview of the types of strategies you'll learn with a subscription.

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Transcript

Speaker 0:01

Hello, and welcome to Mom Sela Podcast. I am your host, Ches, wife, homeschooling mother of two, and certified CBT coach, teaching moms like you to overcome toxic thinking patterns. Our Bible verse today will be 2 Corinthians chapter 10, verses 4 and 5 NIV. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. Now on the topic of overcoming negative self-talk in motherhood, we can directly apply the principle of this incredibly powerful verse. Right away I made the connection between the way that we think and the way we talk. Nothing is going to come out of your mouth unless it began with a thought first. So if you struggle with negative self-talk or thinking about yourself in a negative light, we have to capture those thoughts. That is step one. Capture those thoughts. As Christian moms, it is so important for us to be aware of the thoughts that we let live in our minds. Sometimes a thought will come and we know it's not right and we feel the negativity around it. We know it's not from God, but we let it live there. This is the first mistake I see a lot of moms make. We get a thought like, I really dropped the ball here. I should have done better. I'm just not good at this. We allow that thought, I'm just not good at this, to linger in our minds. We have to capture thoughts like this. You need to be aware of your thinking and where it's coming from. And if it's not aligned with the truth of God's word, then you have to capture that thought. Okay, so what's the next step? Step one is catch yourself thinking a negative thought. You catch yourself saying something that doesn't align with the truth of God's word. Step two is to make it obedient to Christ. Once you realize that a thought is not from God, it's creating negative energy and you need to make that thought obedient to Christ. So how do we do that? Now I'm not getting into the practical steps of this just yet, that's for the second half of this episode. It is next, but you need to uproot this thought intentionally and replace it. If negative self-talk has become a habit for you in your motherhood, this is not a once and done thing. These types of thoughts are going to pop up in your mind. They are deeply rooted thoughts and they have become beliefs, and those beliefs affect your behavior. This is called a stronghold in biblical terms. Verse 4 of 2 Corinthians 10 says, if you remember, the weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have the divine power to demolish strongholds. Those are deeply rooted thoughts and beliefs that we have accepted as true to the point that it affects how we feel and how we act. Habits of negative self-talk in motherhood is a stronghold that needs to be demolished. We're going to take a pause here, say la, and we are going to pray. By now, you may be realizing that you've been accepting lies from the enemy about yourself and your motherhood, and it's eating away at your confidence. We need to put that before the Lord right now. After we pray, I will teach you the CBT tools. I will equip you with some practical, actionable ways to renew your mind and uproot those thoughts in the natural. So let's handle this in the spirit first. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, I thank you for every mom listening to this right now. I pray that you would reveal to her heart the lies that she has been believing. Open her eyes to see that the negative self-talk, those negative beliefs that she has been carrying don't belong there. In Jesus' name I rebuke those thoughts. I pray that you would help my sister to uproot those strongholds that have been keeping her from walking boldly in her purpose. Lord, help her to apply the knowledge that I will share with her in wisdom from your spirit, because we know that real change comes from you. We ask these things in your name, Jesus, we pray. Amen. Hallelujah.

Mindset Tools On the Go

Speaker 5:06

Now I promise to give you some practical strategy, and this is what's happening next. This is literally what I would teach my coaching clients, and I wanted a low-cost way to help more women really grasp how to do this. So this is incredibly valuable information today. Listen up, you are getting a sneak peek for free. So CBT, you've heard me say this a couple of times now, this is cognitive behavioral therapy that is connecting your thoughts and beliefs with your behavior and changing your thoughts and beliefs so that you can improve your moods and your behavior. Today's method, and this works perfectly for negative self-talking in motherhood, is called thought reframing. This is a very practical, very common CBT method, and a lot of people try to do this, but the mistake that Christians tend to make in this process is to jump straight to a completely opposing belief. They might go straight to something like, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. That's Philippians 4.13, right? And that sounds good, doesn't it? The problem with that is, um, there's actually more than one problem with this, but the main problem is using this for a thought reframe is too far of a leap. So going from I am not good at this to I can do anything when you literally have experience and evidence in front of you that is telling you deep down that you still really aren't good at this is a problem. The other problem with this is that I've seen a lot of people use this verse out of context, and that is something to be mindful of. You can't just decide that you're going to uh do something and say, Christ will give me strength if it's not your calling to do so. If it's not aligned with God's will, that's not going to work. So for today, we'll focus on the former problem, which is that big leap in thought, which is problematic for thought reframing, which is what we're working on today. So if you go straight from I'm not good at this to I can do anything, you're not going to be able to hold on to that thought reframe. So a thought reframe is meant to slowly shift your negative thought into a positive one by making a small change. So for I'm not good at this, I would use a verse more like 2 Corinthians 12 9, which in the NIV says, But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. So, based on this scripture, our thought reframe might sound something like, God will get glory from my imperfections, and his grace is what allows me to be a good mother. It's a subtle difference, but it makes that truth more approachable in the light of the evidence of our shortcomings right in front of us. The thought moves slightly from I'm not good at this to I don't have to be good at anything because God's grace is sufficient for me. Do you see the difference in that reframe? We are not trying to convince ourselves that we can do it all immediately, jumping from a place of self-doubt, but we are shifting the focus completely to leaning on God and leaving our ability out of it. Psychologically, our brain can more easily accept that God's grace and glory can shine through our weaknesses rather than trying to convince our minds we can do anything. Now, you might be thinking, what's wrong with using Philippians 4.13 with this? I love that verse. It encourages me. Now I'm not throwing shade on that verse. I love it too. You can certainly move from your newly formed thought that I don't have to be good at anything because God's grace is sufficient for me, to then since Christ gives me strength, I can be a good mother. This specific thought isn't too much of a leap from I'm not good at this. We have to take small steps in our thoughts if we truly want to uproot the negative beliefs that run deeper. So given the appropriate context, we can base our thought reframe on that verse in Philippians, but but it has to be in the context of what the verse was originally talking about, right? It has to be something that is in God's will for us. And for the purposes of really replacing our negative thoughts and our negative self-talk as a mom, you have to make that thought more specific. So we can't go from I'm not good at this to I can do all things through Christ. We take steps from that to his grace is sufficient, I don't have to be good at everything. The Lord will give me strength to do what he has called me to do. Do you see how the thought progression is less dramatic and more readily acceptable to the brain? It creates a more lasting belief based on the scripture used within the scope of its original context. It's also more specific in combating the original thought. So the essence of using CBT and scripture in thought reframing is these three steps. Number one, identify your negative self-talk or negative thought, find a relevant scripture within context that applies to a reasonable shift in thinking, and design a new customized thought based on the truth of that scripture. So as I mentioned before, this is a process. And this is not something that you do just once and then you're good. You have to renew your mind daily. You need to stay in your Bible, mom. You have to repeat the truth to yourself until that scriptural concept becomes a solid belief in your heart. That takes intentional time catching your thoughts and replacing them on repeat. So here is an actionable step that you can take today to apply this to your life. Choose one negative thought and find a scripture that counters it. Memorize that verse and say it every time the thought comes up. You can do that today, and it only takes a few minutes. I hope that you really learned something today and you can take something away from this teaching. Remember, I do this every week. God bless you. Thank you for listening, Mom, and remember to say la and focus on the Lord every day.